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Ross

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I helped create Newgrounds. Then I left. Then I came back. Then I left again. It's like that movie "Runaway Bride", but with fewer movie stars and more computer programming.

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Entry #35

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Ross

Behold the Bullshit Translator.

Posted by Ross Mar. 13, 2008 @ 1:03 AM EDT

Excerpts from soon-to-be-former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's resignation today:

Spitzer: "In the past few days I have begun to atone for my private failings with my wife, Silda, my children, and my entire family."

Translation: "I really can't believe I got caught."

Spitzer: "I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. To every New Yorker, and to all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize."

Translation: "Dammit, why did I let myself get caught?"

Spitzer: "Over the course of my public life, I have insisted, I believe correctly, that people, regardless of their position or power, take responsibility for their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself."

Translation: "Son of a bitch, how did they catch me!!!"

How did we end up in this place as a society where someone can go up in front of the nation and speak such utter bullshit? He's not remorseful about what he did - he's remorseful about getting caught. If they hadn't brought the hammer down on him, or if the case was weak enough that he could plausibly deny it, his $4,300/session "private failings" would be still taking place. Why does anyone pretend to believe him? I'd have a lot more respect for someone who went up there and atoned for their lies by laying themselves bare and being totally honest, instead of tiptoeing around the truth with even more BS.

Bye-bye, Elliot. My advice to you: go into rehab. It's the trendy thing to do.

11spitzer07_600.jpg

Updated: 03/13/08 1:17 AM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

18 Comments

Mar. 13, 2008 | 1:29 AM The-Red-Jack says:

He he, that made me laugh
1st comment... I guess


Mar. 13, 2008 | 1:39 AM JessePants says:

ya all those politic bastards say are worthless crap with some sprinkles on them to make it sound important


Mar. 13, 2008 | 2:01 AM Tystarr says:

Well at least us New Yorkers got a better governor out of this whole ordeal.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 2:18 AM BMack24 says:

i know rehab cured my infidelity and hypocrisy.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 5:17 AM KupaMan says:

I find it weird that this came to a resign-or-impeach scenario. Considering people cared more about the fact that he was adulterous than he was committing a crime. It's weird that apolitical stuff still affects their political career, like Bill Clinton's scandal(s).

Mar. 13, 2008 | 11:39 AM Ross responds:

I don't think it's that weird. If the CEO of a big company was exposed publicly as hiring prostitutes over a period of years, he'd probably step down too. It might not be the case everywhere in the world, but here in America, sex is a Really Big Deal (Janet Jackson's boob is out to destroy us, etc).


Mar. 13, 2008 | 6:19 AM Sterance says:

I didn't catch the full speech, but i got some political commentary before and after.

I'm completely surprised this wasn't some kind of blackmail scandal. Only banging a hooker? Well if Clinton can do it, so can every other politician. At least, that how it seems.

In other words, I expect no less from a politician today. Power corrupts, its only a matter of time. Why do you think our founding fathers put time limits on positions of power?

Mar. 13, 2008 | 11:41 AM Ross responds:

Clinton didn't bang a hooker (at least, never admitted to it) - he messed around with an intern. While it does make him a sleazebag, it doesn't make him a criminal. Hiriing prostitutes (and shipping them across state lines) is a criminal offense.

But I do agree that Spitzer got caught doing something that a lot of people in power probably do.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 7:56 AM Cyberdevil says:

Ah, politics again. Heh, they're masters of verbal warfare . . .


Mar. 13, 2008 | 8:20 AM LtMcMuffin says:

I don't know, but in the scheme of things, I think this is on the smaller side compared to what the Bush administration has done. I'm not saying that we should overlook this whole scandal... but hey, warmongers and profiteers are running rampant across the nation. I think before we focus on anything, we ought to be spending our time clearing up corruption in the highest offices.

Mar. 13, 2008 | 11:46 AM Ross responds:

I agree that a guy following his wandering weenie is less important than the people dying every day in Iraq. But like I mentioned in a comment above, I think this is an indicator of our country's Puritanical views on sex. Violence, death - these are things we're used to, we can put them out of sight and out of mind, and people do that every day with the reports from Iraq. But a salacious sex scandal? That's some juicy news! See the "South Park" movie or the documentary "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" for much more on this.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 9:19 AM FrozenFire says:

OMG So Fucking True. He was also In charge of getting rid of what he was doing... what an idiot. That's his wife right there amirite?

Why would she stand right next to the guy that has been spending all that fucking money to have sex with someone that is not her. I would feel sooo fucking pathetic I would beat the shit out of his ass.

Mar. 13, 2008 | 11:42 AM Ross responds:

Yeah I don't quite get it either. Maybe she knew about this all along?


Mar. 13, 2008 | 12:02 PM ProjeX says:

Poor guy got caught. What a n00b.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 1:58 PM mongoid says:

Why did he get caught? He used his fucking checking account! What an idiot. He deserves what he got, not because he's a bad person, but because he's just plain stupid.

The personal lives of my politicians don't matter much to me. Yes, it's true he should step down since the woman was in fact a prostitute. However, if it was just an illicit affair, I could care less. The public seems to have the misconception that politicians are pillars of rigid morality (mostly Christian morals, mind you). I find it hilarious that every time we're reminded that those in power aren't much different than the man or woman who pumps your gas. It's the one-eyed man leading the blind in this country.

If you look hard enough, you can see his wife's soul imploding.

Mar. 13, 2008 | 3:22 PM Ross responds:

Well said.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 2:53 PM Vert says:

How the mighty has fallen, eh?

Honestly, it wouldn't be so horrific (I mean, some politians have managed in the past to salvage something of their carrers for similar sins, bu in this case it's a bloodbath) if he didn't seem such a terrible hipocrite after all his actions and accusations as a prosecuter. Here's (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7 289268.stm) a nifty summary of how the press responded to his actions.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 4:37 PM RageVI says:

I find your lack of contextual links disturbing. Are you feeling okay?

You're right, though. What's the deal with the spouse always attending the public apologies? Talk about a facade. Not only is he spoon-feeding the media a bunch of bullshit like you've said, but we're supposed to buy the in to the illusion that he gives half a shit about their relationship.

Mar. 13, 2008 | 8:15 PM Ross responds:

"I find your lack of contextual links disturbing. Are you feeling okay?"

Uh... what?


Mar. 13, 2008 | 7:15 PM Ansel says:

Bullshit is expected of politicians. In many cases, it's their job to obfuscate and confuse, and so they do it quite often otherwise. Quite a few people have extrapolated on this theme-- taking someone's face-saving speech and getting the simple message out of it, albeit in a more humorous form.

But yeah, no one wants to stand at a podium and publicly admit their crime in front of the whole country. His use of politicalese is understandable.


Mar. 13, 2008 | 10:09 PM homor says:

you're just saying that because he was an awful govener and didn't deserve the high ranking that was bestowed on him.

Mar. 13, 2008 | 11:11 PM Ross responds:

I'm neither a resident of New York nor do I know anything about his service as "govener".


Mar. 14, 2008 | 5:03 PM steph2568 says:

I LOL'ed it!


Mar. 15, 2008 | 11:05 PM Malachy says:

You know, as a new yorker, he wasn't a half bad governor, he was working on balancing a budget and trying to get the state congress to stop being so gridlocked. He also was working on getting a lot of shit fixed.

he couldn't have picked a worse time to get found out, as the law makers are in the middle of hammering out the state budget.

hist lt. gov., Paterson, seems like a pretty level headed guy and even Joe Bruno (see, spitzer's largest rival) likes him and is willing to work with him.


Mar. 29, 2008 | 6:46 AM TropicalParadise says:

I really wish that things like this weren't such a tremendously huge deal that gain so much news posts. It's just sex, granted he had to pay for it and he's married, but the only person who he should have to grovel to should be his WIFE. Not the state or the country or the media.

Silly american prudes! The woman who ratted him out is a real bitch for ruining this guys life just for 15 minutes of fame. He won't be able to get a job like his current one again, or at least for a while.

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